As an online producer, I often have to write headlines for stories or rewrite them to fit within a certain space. For better or worse, I write headlines pretty fast, often gleaning the key details from the first line of the story and posting in a matter of seconds.
Since most headlines I write are for breaking news stories, I try to stay to the point. I don't try to get cute and create a masterpiece. But I do screen my work for the oft-hilarious double entendre. ESPN.com posted a story about an NFL player asking his team to release him from his contract, and the headline came out like this (click to enlarge the image if you can't read it):
Since EPSN is the Worldwide Leader and one of my biggest time-consumers, I don't mean to make them look bad. I'm just the kind of person who laughs at these kinds of innuendo.
For more suggestive headlines, follow this hyperlink to Deadspin's post on suggestive sports headlines.
I received my electric bill from Connecticut Light & Power, and they notified me of their rate increase. That's fine, but they waste a lot of paper doing so:
Imagine if they sent multiple fliers to all of their customers across the state. It's the little things the company can do that will save money for its customers.
The freedom of Wikipedia and the persistence of cached material in Google's search results are two things that can bring a smile to my beautiful face. When someone with a sense of humor revises a Wikipedia entry--in this case, for the Detroit Lions football team--they can be removed immediately from their site. But Google's bots (or whatever the technical term is) pull a cached snapshot of those changes and displays them as a search result. Here is a screen grab of the gem:
Note the first entry, which refers to the Lions as "a cheerleading squad aspiring to become an American football team." Somewhere, James Lipton is giving his long-winded approval.
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UConn @ Louisville 2nite On ESPN2: The Huskies look to get their fifth win during their Big East opener.
Get your UConn football fix here please. I work hard to make these things look nice.
Look for a decent game from this Donald Brown character. He's supposedly the nation's leading rusher, but since he plays in the Big East, the ESPN guys couldn't care less.
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I'll keep the remote handy in order to maintain vigilance on the game and the DEBATE between the old guy and the idealistic guy.
I'm sure nobody will pick on John McC for attending the debate while the bailout boondoggle continues, despite suspending his campaign two days earlier.
And you will want to check this site, naturally, for anything debate-related: the print jockeys picked a bunch of smart people to give their two cents on the verbal fisticuffs (including the Hon. Richard Hanley from Quinnipiac, whose proudest accomplishments include being my adviser and grading my papers).
I spent last night at Grillo South (Beacon Falls) to watch and clean up after the two cats while my parents vacationed at Grillo North (Plymouth, N.H.). It was a nice break from a hectic week of 5 a.m. shifts and schoolwork. But the extra effort is worth it: I'm only 15 weeks and a thesis away from adding "M.S." at the end of my name in my email signatures (e.g. Michael L. Grillo, M.S.).
On my way back to Grillo East (my apartment in Middletown), a silver Scion sped by me as the rain fell and pulled in front of me. At the next light, I moved into the passing lane and pulled in front of the Scion after passing it at a reasonable speed.The Scion then sped around me, and a minute later, a child wearing some sort of bandana around his head leaned out the passenger-side window, shouted at me and extended his middle finger in my direction. The child, no older than 16, had a menacing look on his face, and I flashed the highbeams to acknowledge his presence.I normally have no hope for most teenage males because this is the way they generally act. Though I wasn't the most polite 16-year-old myself, I had enough manners to not act like such a clown in front of strangers.This led me to think: why does anybody use their middle finger as an initial reaction to strangers? There's so much unjustified hate in the world, and it isn't right. What we need is...Justified hate. If I hate someone because they hate me enough to flip me the bird for no reason, then that is perfectly alright. At least Jesus would say that, if he's as human as I believe him to be. So, with this logic, it will only be ok to attack Iran if they do something stupid to us first.Just wait President Obama/McCain/Barr/Nader/Grillo: like Joe Biden, Iran can't keep its mouth shut forever.
I'm sticking up for Bode: there, I said it.
By being talented, innovative, independent and--most of all--stubborn, Bode Miller shows us what it's truly like to be American.
For those who aren't aware, Miller won the skiing World Cup overall title last week, as he did in 2005, and has arguably been the most prominent athlete in his sport for the last several years. But for all his accolades, he has been criticized for his seemingly lackadaisical attitude during the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin.
Last year, Miller broke away from the U.S. ski team to form his own, a one-man endeavor called "Team America." According to reports, there were tensions on both sides: Miller's actions off the slopes and his desire to have his own road accommodations clashed with the team mentality, while Miller felt he wasn't getting the proper diet and regimen for a professional skier. (http://www.denverpost.com/outdoors/ci_7566271)
Miller did what he thought was best for himself as an athlete, and once again he reigns over his sport. Love it or leave it, he is someone that all Americans can look up to for inspiration and guidance.
Let me explain.
Sure, he may have publicly downplayed the importance of the games and failed to win a medal. And people read about his antics and assume he is a reckless party animal. But here are some reasons why Miller can be seen as a role model for the American citizen:
1.) Bode is talented, and he backs his skills with a solid commitment to his sport. Like any productive American, he has identified his skill set and honed it to the best of his ability.
2.) Bode is innovative, to an extent. Realizing he needed a better way to condition himself and perform to the best of his abilities, he creates his own team and surrounds himself with the people and possessions that will achieve these means. He did not seem afraid to take a chance by cutting ties with the national team, and so far it looks as if he made the right decision.
3.) Bode is an independent spirit, but not completely independent. He understands that in order to perform his best, he needs to take his own steps instead of waiting for others to do the work for him. That said, he is smart enough to surround himself with a coaching staff that is committed to his success.
And, lastly...
4.) Bode is stubborn, possibly to a fault. But again, he is this year's World Cup champion: so far, so good. There are a few ways to be stubborn: instead of simply shrugging off his former team and driving himself from slope to slope, he assessed his situation and made calculated decisions that have worked out well to this point.
The next time you wish to improve your situation, don't wait for others to pick up the slack for you. Be assertive, like our Founding Fathers, our creative minds, our civil rights activists and Bode. Be independent. March to your own beat. Who cares if others are jealous of your success? As long as you are happy, for all you care, America is happy.
Check out this NY Times piece by Christopher Clarey: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/16/sports/othersports/16miller.html?ref=sports. He writes much better than I do, and he apparently has more time to do actual interviews.
The link above is from a Denver Post article by John Meyer.
Oh boy, I love pointing out the mistakes of news organizations that passed on my services. Here's an excerpt from the Waterbury Republican-American, which won a Pulitzer Prize sometime before the dawn of color television. For the record, the man shown below is Naugatuck Mayor Mike Bronko.
The "r" would have caused the headline to spill into two lines, so it's understandable why they would leave it off.
And I'm not a bitter person: I just play one on the Internet.
Inevitably, many web sites contain out-of-date information, but I think this image of U.S. Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.), shown on the web site for the borough of Naugatuck, Conn., predates the Internet.
Since context is king of the media world, here is Dodd in the common era. Note the effects of Father Time...
I think he and Ted Kennedy could have combined to make a superpresident. Photoshop renderings of this New England conglomerate are encouraged and should be sent to my attention immediately.
Since EPSN is the Worldwide Leader and one of my biggest time-consumers, I don't mean to make them look bad. I'm just the kind of person who laughs at these kinds of innuendo.
